Thursday, August 6, 2009

Do I or Don't I: The Ex

Whoever said a break-up can be clean and easy was SO WRONG! At least this break up is far from clean and easy and has been going on for almost 3 years. My 2-year old daughter's Father and I have been going in the same circle over and over that it is down right frustrating. One minute we are broken up and I start to move on with my life, then the next minute he sucks me back into his web and we are trying to work on things. Well work on things the best you can when you live 2+ hours apart and see each other about every 6 months (maybe). I just don't know how to get out of this circle and move onto a straight path and it is maddening.

I can't be mad at anyone but myself at this point. I am the one who has let this break up fester for way to long and is having the worst time letting go. In my mind, I know that Baby Daddy won't give me what I want and need: a loving man who loves me for who I am and supports me along the way. Yet, I still seems to love him with all of my heart. Even when I have had the chance to move on, I can't do it. It makes me wonder if any other single moms ever feel this way?

I am hoping one day I can move on from the wrong and find Mr. Right but until then my drama continues...

Monday, July 20, 2009

Single Moms DON'T Have it EASY

Today's blog is all about ranting my frustrations. Men think they have it so bad because they have to pay child support. Poor them, NOT! Yes I agree that men need to pay child support because they helped produce the child. Last time I checked it takes 2 to tango so we did not get here on our own. Ok maybe I should back up and tell you why I am so damn pissed!

At work today, some co-workers and I were talking about college and I said that now I qualify for financial aid because I am a single mom. When I was going to school, I didn't qualify because my ex-husband's income in addition to my income put me over the top. Now that I am a single mom I do qualify because with my day job and business I barely get over the poverty level (maybe). Well my perverted co-worker preceded to say how single moms get everything, like we are living the easy charmed life. That just set me off and he continued to make comments for the rest of the day about how 40% of mothers are un-wed. I did not choose this life for myself or my children. My daughter's father left me (my older 2 children's father is completely supportive) and I am doing pretty well supporting my family without being on welfare. The only assistance I receive is healthcare because my children need to go to the doctor.

It is nice to know that our society is still looking down on the single mothers of the world and what about all the dead beat dads out there. The ones who get a girl pregnant and leave her to raise the child. Raising a child is more than just paying child support. Who is the one that is up with the child in the middle of the night, kisses their boo boos, plays Santa Clause or opens there arms with unconditional loving arms? That is me and all the rest of the single mothers in the world.

People need to grow up and move on with life. Just because you have had a bad expierence doesn't mean every person needs to feel the same way as you. I don't have any easy life and things are not just given to me. If anything, I work three times as much to get what mother's who are married have. I don't have a partner who watches the kids so I can go out with friends for an evening or be able to take 10 minutes and go to the store by myself but I keep going for the love I have for my children. I, and every other single mother, need to stand up and be proud of what we have accomplished in this life: Happy Children!

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Frustration is Mounting

Frustration is putting things mildly. I am out right pissed at everyone around me and really want to move someplace where no one knows me. Starting fresh in a new place sounds so wonderful to me, that I am thinking that I should be saving money for that and not a new car.

As an adult, living with your parent(s) is never easy but my mom "forgets" that I am not a child anymore and wants to dictate what i need to do with my life. For a year now I have kept my mouth shut, well i have hit my breaking point and i will not be treated like this by anyone.

I have the parent crap on top of the lack of money crap and I am feeling run down. There is more in this world that I want to do but I feel so restricted by those around me. Well, I am slowly eliminating those who can't support me from my life. I would rather be alone in this world than surround myself with mean, nasty and negative people. Really who wants that in their life? No One I tell you that.

Take it or leave it, I don't give a shit cause this is my life not yours so let me go.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

I forgot my lunch

What's a girl to do when she forgets her lunch and she works at a grocery store? Buy food to eat of course!

As you can see my first day of budgeting my money did not go so well since I left my lunch sitting on my desk at home. One thing I CANNOT go through the day without is my energy drink, Vegas Fuel (the best stuff ever) so I had to buy one but I really should look into buying a case of it because it would be cheaper than my $2.62 or more daily habit. For the work day, I really snacked on stuff but still ended up spending about $10 which could have been a pack of diapers or gas for my car.

So I am disappointed that I couldn't resist buying but I know that I couldn't go all day without eating something especially being surrounded by food all day long. Hopefully Day 2 will be better!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Trouble with Budgeting

I nearly forgot that I still had this blog so it is my first posting in almost a year! Welcome back me.

As a single mom, business owner (I design handbags and tutus) and a day job worker, I am having the hardest time budgeting and stick with my budget. On paper it looks all fine and dandy but when it actually comes to limiting my spending that is a whole nother story. I end up spending all my money so that when Wednesday comes around, I am eagerly awaiting the UPS man to show up with paychecks.

When paychecks show up on Wednesdays, I set out the every intention of paying my bills, sticking to my budget and saving some money but sadly it NEVER happens that way. I end up "finding" things to buy and justify them as a need, sometimes I pay my bills on time (mostly not on time) and usually end up in the fabric and yarn store buying things for the business. I really have more than enough material and yarn to last me a year (except custom orders) but I still buy without giving it a second thought.

I am a woman on a mission: To create a budget, stick with it and buy a "newer" used car by November 30, 2009.

Here you will read about my ups and downs with sticking to my budget and if I succeed in my goal. I have 4 months and 18 days to reach my goal and I can do it!

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Looking for my One True Love

With my frustration mounting, I am looking at what I want in this life since everyone else in my life has decided they know what is best for me. I know that when people tell me things they think they have my best interest in mind but really all it does is piss me off. I know that I haven't lived the perfect life but in the past year, even 6 months, I have come a long way in improving my life.

When it comes to my love life(or lack there of) everyone wants to tell me what to do especially my best friend. She feels that I should wait at least a year before entering another relationship but she doesn't offer this as advice but tells me that is what I am to do. Well I am sorry but I am my own person and I am definitely of age to think and decide what is best for me.

I want that one true love and I thought that I had found it 3 times in my life but each time things ended badly. There was of course my high school sweetheart, who I still care about very deeply and want him to be happy. Then there is my ex-husband who turned out to be gay. If I was the type of person who is living this life for money, comfort and stability then I would have stayed with him BUT I am not. Then there is the last man who has entered and left my life in a blaze of fireballs. He is the man who I gave my heart and soul back and he in turned played mind games and shattered not only my heart but all of me into a million little pieces. I am now working at sewing those pieces back together and seeing the light that even though I have been hurt more in one relationship than anyone should ever endure in 10 lifetimes.

I am living this life to find my one true love and whether I find him in a month, a year or 10 years I will be the one to decide who this person is. As the time goes on to finding him I will have fun along the way with all the not-my one true love guys!

Monday, August 11, 2008

School Girl Crush

This is really my first blog for my single mom blog so please bare with me if it is a little jumbled. I am a single mom of 3 beautiful kids, a divorced woman and a woman scorned. Being a single mom the first time around by choice. I wanted out of a marriage that would never, ever work. Becoming a single mom the second time was ABSOLUTELY not my choice. I was preggers and he left. I know, now, that it would have never worked but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt like hell STILL. I was truly, madly, deeply in love with him and would have done anything for him but that didn't have the same meaning to him.

Well now I am trying to move on with my life and I am taking things day by day. Some days are better than others but I will try and let you in on my life experience as a single mom. The love, the hate, the everyday ups and downs.

So as for today's topic, School Girl Crush, I work at a grocery store so I see all kinds of people come in and out the store. As a newly single girl, of course I am checking out every single guy that walks through the store. I have developed a crush on this cute guy that delivers the chips that I will call "Dorito Guy". He is def cute and I am so so shy but I try to talk to him. I started blushing last week when he wished me a happy birthday but I knew my crush would soon be gone cause he was only on this route till this week. Well I saw the truck pull and prepared myself to see the girl that normally does the route, but as the doors opened "dorito guy" walked through the door!!! We talked a little small talk about him being on this route still and he made a comment about not know what was going on with the normal girl. Well me being me, I opened my big mouth and said that I know that she was having guy problems, that we all know cause she is always talking in her earpiece and letting the whole store know what is going on. That did not go over to well with "dorito guy" and he told me that he does know what is going on and bye and I watched him walk back out the door :( As sad as our parting was, at least it brought a small smile to my face to see my crush walk through the door. I felt like I was in high school again!